I found these little gems today, and they had me crackin up. I decided to share the love, so here is the cure to any bad day. our own little cheer-up guide. ENJOY!
(brought to you by: grouchy rabbit.com)
FACTS:
-Single (adjective) - A man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen.
*-Wednesdays in which there is no rainfall are dry hump days.
-Friends are like snowflakes. When you pee on them, they disappear.
TIPS FOR SUCCESS:
*-If you have a crush on somebody, stalk them. It shows devotion and they'll soon fall for you.
-Use a small child as a sled. It really doesn't matter if there is snow or not. Just find a hill.
-If a midget ever tells you, I'm not happy, ask them, then which one are you?
-To get twice as many uses, turn your underwear inside out.
-Save your breath, you are going to need it to inflate your valentine.
*-If you have a bad cough, take a large amount of laxatives. That way you'll be too afraid to cough.
DEFINITIONS:
-Disneyland characters (noun) - A job where old men can get away with touching children.
-Awkward (adjective) - A white people word that can be applied to any situation.
-Drama (noun) - When Sarah likes Mike but Mike is going out with Jane when Jane actually likes Dylan but Dylan likes Sarah so Dylan asks out Sarah and Jane gets mad and breaks up with Mike so she can go out with Dylan then Sarah asks out Ty instead and Ty likes Hanna and Hanna likes Mike so Hanna asks out Mike and Jane gets jealous so she tries to make up with Mike.
-You'll use this in life (phrase) - Lies told by sad math teachers because they had a miserable childhood.
-Study (verb) - The act of texting, eating and watching TV with an open textbook nearby.
-Shin (noun) - A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Winter (noun) - A three month break between women and their razors.
*-McDonald's gift card (noun) - Better known as a "get out of shape free card."
-Awkward (adjective) - Looking into someone's eyes while eating a banana.
REALIZED:
-Relax. Everyone you hate is going to eventually die.
-If life gives you melons, you probably have dyslexia.
-In 1000 years, archeologists will find tanning beds and think that we fried people as punishment.
-Crayons are a lot like M & M's. All the colors taste the same.
-No one is as disturbed as they should be by the fact that the prince in Snow White had to kiss a corpse in the middle of the woods surrounded by seven midgets.
*-Life is like my boyfriend....I don't have one.
